James Weir recaps: Farmer Wants A Wife | Episode 2 – The Latest News: Only two episodes into Sam Armytage’s return to television, and things have already changed. James Weir summarises.
On Monday night’s Farmer Wants A Wife, a brutal blow comes from an unexpected source, shaking up the show just two episodes in, but it’s Australia’s favorite wing woman Samantha Armytage who is saddled with a task more difficult than anything she has faced in her new life on the farm: trying to get decent on-air soundbites out of clueless straight men.
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To be honest, with Sam lending her star power to this series and Kruger helming Big Brother, these two ladies are personally responsible for the Seven Network’s annual primetime slate’s success.
We saw three of the farmers choose the five contestants they’ll bring back to their homestays in last night’s premiere. And tonight, it’s time for the final two farmers to take their picks. But who are these farmers exactly? Paige, the girl farmer, and that guy who looks like Costa.
Farmer Paige and Farmer Benjamin spend about 45 seconds with each hopeful contestant in the following rapid-fire round of speed dating. It sparks an enthralling discussion.
“Do you fish?” a man asks Paige.
“No,” she responds.
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James Weir recaps: Farmer Wants A Wife | Episode 2 – The Latest News
It’s the kind of romantic dialogue you’d expect to hear only in a Baz Luhrmann film.
But the Fish Guy is about to get one-upped. Marty has arrived.
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“You ride horses and stuff?” he asks Paige, grunting. “I’d rather bet on the horses than ride them.”
Paige’s patience has run out, just like Marty’s savings account after the Melbourne Cup.
“I don’t think I’ve ever had a first date tell me about their gambling,” she cringes. “It was a little bit of a red flag… but… that’s OK.”
Sure, it’s perfectly fine! You know, until he secretly sells your herd and uses the proceeds to bet on other horses.
Meanwhile, Farmer Benjamin’s speed dating session is going extremely well. If we were Marty, we’d place all our money on the girl who thinks she knows a lot about astrology.
James Weir recaps: Farmer Wants A Wife | Episode 2 – The Latest News
“You could be a fire sign — maybe Sagittarius,” Brittani says, squinting at Benjamin.
She is incorrect. However, this does not deter her from trying again. Once more. How many educated guesses does she make? Let’s just say Brittani’s guesses outnumber the unnecessary letters in her name.
“Because you’re such a good communicator, I assumed you were a Gemini. But then I thought, WATER SIGN! Are you a Cancer?”
Benjamin is not, in fact, a Cancer. Or any of the other options she listed.
“I am a… Virgo,” he says, staring at her.
“I did not choose that,” she says, shaking her head in disbelief.
No way, Brittani. You did not, no. But don’t feel bad; you chose almost everything else.
Producers finally give us what we want on the other side of the farm: a Samantha Armytage cameo. She goes over to the group of single men to see how their speed dates went. But there’s an unexpected snag.
James Weir recaps: Farmer Wants A Wife | Episode 2 – The Latest News
The male contestants on Farmer Want A Wife aren’t your typical reality TV contestants. These boys haven’t spent years binge-watching the most ridiculous dating shows. They’re unfamiliar with the game and don’t quite know what they’re supposed to deliver when the cameras are pointing at them. It’s not second nature for them to pick up on Samantha’s cues and prompts, which means our girl has to work extra hard, fighting for her life, to extract soundbites from these jerks.
“How do you all feel?” Sam asks a benign, open-ended question.
The guys mumble one-word answers. It all adds up to one vague noise: “Maarghuurrpp.”
Sam tries once more. “What were your initial thoughts on her?”
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There is complete silence.
“She’s great, ay,” one of the guys finally says, shrugging.
Sam, wide-eyed and calm, try a few more prompts to get the guys to say something — anything! — about the woman they ostensibly want to date.
James Weir recaps: Farmer Wants A Wife | Episode 2 – The Latest News
“She’s stunning. “And quite tall,” she adds as she waits for the others to add something.
“Yep,” one of the guys says, nodding.
To be honest, it’s difficult to say which is more painful: dealing with these guys or having to make small talk with Kochie at 4 a.m. while he gets his scalp powdered in the adjacent makeup chair.
“We’ve definitely realized Paige has (a particular) taste, though, because we’ve worked out we’re all very similar,” another of the men says.
Sam squints at the others.
“What do you think?” Her voice raises. “I don’t see it. “I think you’re all very… unique.”
Yes. That is one way to put it.
Coincidentally, the boys have no problem making chitchat a few hours later when they have a boozy dinner with Paige. In fact, one of them goes a little too far.
James Weir recaps: Farmer Wants A Wife | Episode 2 – The Latest News
Paige asks all the guys what their stance is on kids. The elderly contestants, all of whom are approaching the age of 40, say they are all ready to start a family. However, not everyone is at the same stage in life.
Spiros is too preoccupied with being a young, hot Sydney PT.
“All right, next question…” he mumbles, moving the conversation forward.
Paige furrows her brow and insists he answer.
“I believe… “I’m not sure if I’ll have kids or not,” he grudgingly admits.
She barely hears him and requests he repeat himself.
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“I said, ‘I think I don’t (want) to have kids,'” he blurts out, looking around at his fictitious bros before resentfully skolling the rest of his red wine and immediately regretting the calories.
Paige has had her fill. She ends the dinner party and we proceed to the elimination ceremony, where she will conduct a mass cull and choose only five men to take back to her farmhouse.
We won’t name anyone because there are so many contestants and we don’t care about any of them yet. All you need to know is that she chooses four men and then, just as she’s about to choose her final man, she drops a bombshell.
“All I can do… is be really fair and respectful to you all and what you’ve done to be here,” she says solemnly. “So tonight, I’ll only ask four of you to come to the farm with me.”
Paige has triumphed. But, more importantly, Samantha won. One fewer jerk to make small talk with.
Conclusion
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